Woolworths Homebrand Pies: A Disaster
So here I am reviewing an
other brand of budget pies. Balfours and Black & Gold have had their turn, so now I turn to Woolworths to see how well they hold up in the pastry department. This particular 6pack of meat-garbage can be found at the bottom of the freezer in the chilled aisle at your local Woolworths; this is so that other people can look down at you when you try to pick them up off the floor. Unlike my last review (of BEEFY’S Pies) I will be keeping this one brief, because there isn’t much to say about Woolworths Homebrand Pies, except to make a simple point clear: they are a disaster.
Cost: $3.75 per 6-pack (or, 62 cents a pie).
Pastry: crumbly and pathetically boring; more like a cheap biscuit than pastry.
Meat: I have come to realise that budget pies contain a special type of meat filling, which I would say is the consistency of kitty litter with odd bits of gristle. However, unlike the Black & Gold budget pie which remarkably makes this odd texture at least partially enjoyable, the Woolworths Homebrand pie is lined (I wouldn’t say ‘filled’) with this pebbly atrocity, and does little to tantalise the taste buds. The gravy is terribly generic and too thick (burns in the microwave/oven). A really poor effort.
Size: Pancake Pie (see my review of Balfours Chicken & Vegetable Pie for an explanation of the Pancake Pie).
Overall Satisfaction: none to speak of.
Cost to Satisfaction Ratio: at a little under $4 for a pack of six the Woolworths Homebrand Pies may have regained a little integrity.
Grading: F
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piesaregoodforyou 
A decent overall review but I must say, these pies are the perfect pancake pie to cut the top of, fill the inside with cheese, replace top, microwave for another minute, remove top, add a fuck tonne of BBQ sauce and serve. But maybe that’s just me…
…sweet JESUS I want a pie now.
All pies deserve some respect. If it takes a little effort to give a pie some integrity, I say it’s worth it.
I don’t understand why, but the quality of Woolworths home brand pies oscillates dramatically, depending on a packet by packet basis. In some packets, the pastry is perfect. The pie stays together, it doesn’t break apart as you’re eating it, it’s just great. The meat/gravy is half decent in those packets as well. Add sauce and things are looking pretty good.
Then you get the other end of the scale (there doesn’t seem to be a middle either, they’re just good or complete rubbish), which looks much like the one in your photo. The meat/gravy tastes AWFUL, like as though it’s beef (gristle) that’s been blended with some horse, kidneys from some other animal and a bit of offal to taste. It nearly makes me feel sick.
Mr Malekei, or any one of the other contributors here, if you can find out why this happens, I would be ever so grateful. Also, if you’re ever in SA, try a Villi’s pie and if you’re near the Adelaide CBD, there’s a 24hr bakery called “Bakery on O’Connell”: http://www.bakeryonoconnell.com.au/ Apparently SA is famous for the pie floater (a meat pie in a bowl of thick pea soup, with your choice of sauce), but O’Connell is the only place I can find one.
Hi Josh, thank you for your detailed account of the Woolworth’s pie disaster. I think I agree with you on their quality control, and believe that they have been better in the past. Perhaps they buy their mystery meat on the black market, thus why the quality isn’t consistent? I will attempt to pry into the untidy lair of the pie-makers, and find out the answer to this problem.
I like that you refer to the pastry-shell as ‘packets’, I may use that term some time. Next time I go to SA I will try a pie from Villi’s and the other bakery (or, you could contribute a review?). I have great faith in SA’s baking skills. Keep checking the blog.
Keep informed, fellow pie enthusaist.